Koosas

Image courtesy of www.yello80s.com

You know what we don't talk about enough on this blog? Dolls. Dolls are, technically, toys after all. And while we've covered a few dolls on this blog - Beanie Babies, or for a less stellar example Growing Up Skipper - but we haven't really covered a honest to god doll, you know? Something that truly conjures the imagery of what one expects when they hear the word "doll". That's what we're finally doing today, and with an obscure one of course, because we're hipsters apparently.

This is a Koosa, and while that might sound like an outdated racial slur, it's actually an offshoot of the Cabbage Patch Kids dolls. So what are these squishy monstrosities? Well, designed by Appalachian Artworks and Coleco about 1983, the “Koosas” were born as animal versions of the Cabbage Patch Kids. Koosas were intended to be “pets” for the Cabbage Patch Kids, and included cats, dogs and even lions, though what kind of sick parent in their right mind would let their child have a lion as a pet is beyond me. The Koosa had a soft-sculpted body with molded vinyl head, yarn hair and shaped ears, and really, outside of their animal appearance, were pretty much just carbon copies of Cabbage Patch Kids. Also, and maybe we don't wanna get too deep into the semantics of this because it could raise some tough theological and moral questions but...I'm not sure that if my pet walked upright and acted like a human that I'd feel comfortable calling them a pet. But hey, that's just me. I'm pretty vanilla, after all.

So, the thing is, the history of the Cabbage Patch Dolls is...messy, at best.

For starters, Cabbage Patch Kids were outright stolen.

Originally crafted by a woman named Martha Nelson Thomas - an American folk artist known for her work in soft sculpture - she was the creator of "Doll Babies", which The Cabbage Patch Kids were plagerized off of. In 1971, while a student, Thomas began experimenting with soft sculpture in the form of dolls. She designed her "Doll Babies" creating them by hand and selling them at craft fairs around Louisville, Kentucky. Then, in 1976, Thomas met Xavier Roberts at one of these craft fairs. He asked her to supply him with dolls to sell in Georgia, where he lived and worked. Thomas, being a generous woman, briefly let him sell her Doll Babies, but eventually stopped, which is when Roberts took matters into his own hands and created his own version in 1978 before, in 1982, licensing the dolls to Coleco for mass-production under the name Cabbage Patch Kids.

As a direct result of this, in 1979, Thomas filed her first suit against Roberts, and by 1983, she was seeking $1 million in damages from Roberts. Fast forward to 1984 and ultimately the case was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount. Meanwhile, as trends tend to do, Cabbage Patch Kids were so popular that buyers had to join a nine-month waiting list, so Thomas sold a line of craft items through Fibre-Craft based on her original Doll Babies that allowed buyers to sew up their own doll. Cabbage Patch Kids at this time sold for $30 to $150; Thomas's Doll Babies supplies cost about $16 total. In the end she might've lost fame and fortune, but she won dignity, and I like to think that that's worth the trade off. But even then...Cabbage Patch Kids were really horrifying. I know lots of people think they're cute, and I'm sorry to be the one to have to burst your bubble on this, but they aren't. They're horrifying, and Koosas are slightly better albeit somewhat more disturbing take on the concept.

Kids love dolls, that's just a fact. When I was a little girl, boys weren't allowed to play with dolls, which is ridiculous because to me, anything that a child plays with in any imaginary sense automatically falls into the "doll" category. Doesn't have to be made from the same materials to be considered as such. That Tonka truck little Timmy liked to pretend was his best friend and go on adventures with? That's a doll, end of story. But there's just something offputting about Cabbage Patch Kids, and maybe it's the design, but it doesn't help when translated to animal form either.

Not to mention they were, apparently, very unsafe. The Orlando Sentinal ran an article in December of 1985, likely due to it being the holiday season when many children were prone to be given Cabbage Patch Kids, in which the ADA stated:

The most potentially dangerous toy parents can buy this Christmas is a Cabbage Patch Kid “Koosa,” a consumer group said Tuesday, citing a collar on the doll that has been changed on the newest models.The Consumer Affairs Committee of Americans for Democratic Action, in its 14th annual toy report, warned parents against buying the original stuffed Koosa animal and advised them to remove the collar immediately if their children already have one of the dolls.

Committee chairwoman Ann Brown told a news conference that after her group researched the potential dangers of the doll’s collar, it discovered Coleco had redesigned the collar but failed to issue warnings about the old ones. She called on the Consumer Product Safety Commission to immediately recall the old dolls, which are still readily available for Christmas sales, “before serious injuries occur.” Brown said the newer collar has a buckle thet snaps away easily and is shorter, making it less likely to fit around a child’s neck. Committee spokeswoman Judy Newman said Coleco denied the collar was changed for safety reasons.

Coleco officials could not be reached for comment.

So these things are steeped in problems, both legally and medically. But maybe I'm wrong in thinking the Koosas are worse. Looking at them more closely while doing research for this piece, I've come to think that, perhaps, the Koosas are actually the vastly preferable version of the Cabbage Patch Kids. Animals are far less horrifying than child based dolls, and so it's easier to get away with producing them simply because they don't look like some deformed baby that's going to get out of its crib and disembowel you in the middle of the night.

Heck, even their outfits are admittedly pretty cute. The rainbow suspenders, the nametags, the frills on dresses and - on this on here in particular - the little Dog icon stitched into its shorts. It's all pretty cute, I'm not gonna lie. So maybe there is some merit to Koosas that I didn't see at the start. Doesn't make Cabbage Patch Kids any less creepy though.

So those are Koosas.

The more acceptable animal version of Cabbage Patch Kids, though I still refuse to think it's okay to call them "pets". That just feels dehumanizing, though, I guess, they aren't human, so maybe that's a dead on arrival argument. Regardless, if something lives in your house and walks on two legs and you're calling them your pet, they better be a human in a romantic relationship with you, otherwise you might just have the ASPCA on your ass pronto.