A Stick

 

Ah yes, the classic, the OG, the granddaddy of 'em all. The Stick.

 

The one toy all our parents and grandparents told us they played with. How many times have you heard some iteration of the quote, "When I was your age, all I had to play with was a stick"? I guarantee most who are reading this have heard that, at some point, from someone. And for good reason, because think of the possibilities that a stick can provide! We play fetch with our dogs with them, we use them as pretend swords, you can tie a string to the end and create a fishing pole, you can put a rubberband between two ends to create a slingshot, you can do so many things with just an ordinary stick. But at the same time, it's kind of a joke, isn't it? It was meant as a way for older people to look down on what kids have now and say, almost smugly, "Well you better appreciate what you've got, cause we had it so much worse and we're better people now because of it, unlike all you spoiled little brats."

The funniest part of generational hatred to me is the fact that the people who ruined their children then still expected them to be capable of doing something with their lives besides recover from the abuse they endured. I should know, I'm one of those recovering. And that's how that phrase always came off to me. It was the toy equivalent of "We walked 16 miles in the snow both ways uphill with no shoes". Just another way for them to dig that generational knife of betrayal into your back a little bit deeper. But in actuality, I think there's a case to be made for the stick being considered an actual toy.

I mean, who among us as children didn't play with a stick?

And don't pretend like you're better than someone by acting like you didn't, because you know damn well that you did. We all did it. They were free, and actual toys cost money. Not everyones parents could afford, or simply didn't want to buy, plastic weapons, so we often resorted to just using sticks in place of swords. Sticks are everywhere, they're free, and they can become anything if you just have the right amount of imagination to work with. And would you believe me if I told you that, in 2008, a stick was actually inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame? Probably not, because it sounds like the setup to a joke, but it's true. You can look it up. It's on their website. In fact, here's a screenshot for proof.

So there you have it, we've actually given a stick an award. And to think I used all my pent up ire on the Slinky's accomplishments. At least the Slinky is a real toy, and not just a branch we all decided would be fun to swing at eachother. Nevertheless, the stick is actually recognized as a legitimate toy now, and holds its rightful place in the Hall of Fame now. For the sake of transparency, this post started out as somewhat of a joke. I just thought it'd be funny to talk seriously about a stick as an actual toy. But once I got into it, I realized there actually were some pretty good talking points surrounding it, plus with the actual inclusion of the Hall of Fame, I almost had to include it as a real toy at that point. So there we have it. A stick. An actual, honest to god toy, that nearly everyone ever has played with.

Dear god, what am I doing with my life.