What's Her Face & Whatever Pets

There isn't a lot of things in the world that get under my skin and somewhat unnerve me, but I have to say, faceless beings is one of them, and if someone had given me one of these when I was growing up, I would have wound up in even more extensive therapy than I was already in at the time. That being said, I don't necessarily think What's Her Face is an inherently bad concept on the books. Kids like designing things, it's why stuff like coloring books and Mr. Potato Head and Legos continue to be successful, because if you give a kid that amount of creative freedom in something that already encourages playtime, then you're just doubling that that idea.

That being said, let me make this perfectly clear, that perhaps What's Her Face wasn't exactly correct in their implementation of this concept because dear god is it horrifying.

"What's Her Face" was a line of customizable dolls that straddled the line between traditional fashion dolls and creative activity toys. Made by Mattel, the line ran from 2001–2003, and enjoyed only a modest success in a market dominated by Mattel's iconic Barbie doll, amongst others. The standard What's Her Face Dolls were approximately 9.5" tall, with their most recognizable feature being a large round head with no facial features. The Doll's completely blank face was intended to be drawn on and designed by the owner, using included washable colored markers and if desired, special rubber stamps of eyes and mouths. A flower-shaped mask was also included, with corresponding holes to help align the stamps on the Doll's face. The Doll's oversized head lacked rooted hair, and had velcro on top, designed to help their changeable brightly colored wigs stay in place.

Again, the entire idea was complete and total customization, a concept not at all bad, but perhaps not implemented well, at least in this instance, because the faces do not look remotely natural or even natural in a doll like way, when finally put on, making the entire thing just kind of eerie to behold altogether.

I mean just look at this abomination. It's not enough for young girls to have a hard time dealing with self esteem in regards to their appearance, now they're Frankensteining their own hideous monsters. While the doll body mold is actually pretty good, and the customization concept is good - especially when given different hairs to boot - the overall end result is one that straddles the line between hilarious absurdity and the stuff of outright nightmares.

Listen, I'm all for boosting a childs creativity, don't get me wrong. Hell, I'm an artist, and because I was allowed to do creative things growing up, like drawing, I make art today for a living (this blog included!), but I do think these don't work simply because of the facial designs they gave you to work with. Nothing looks normal, and instead these dolls seem to live in a nightmare world where some dark being stole all their facial features and now they have to create their own.

...ya know, actually saying that out loud now, that sounds like a great idea for a horror movie, but whatever.

But perhaps even more terrifying is the concept of one of the spin off lines, The Whatever Pet. Now, instead of pseudo (literal) plastic surgery, they're enticing kids to play god and perform horrific science experiments on poor unsuspecting animals. The Whatever Pet came with multiple sets of snap-on ears and tails to create the appearance of different animals, so in a way, the same idea, but for an animal companion to your weird poorly arranged facial featured monstrosity. Perhaps the idea here is that only an animal of equal or more ugliness could befriend someone so ugly themselves, I don't know, but either way I find the Whatever Pet to be somehow both hilarious and disgusting.

But perhaps most damning of all is what they called these poor unfortunate girls.

Glam, as her name implies, is the fashionista of the group. She has the palest skin of the Dolls in the line. The first edition "Glam" had changeable hot pink and blue wigs, and wore a reversible zebra-print mini skirt, and silver platform boots.

Sweet has the most artistic personality, and usually wears pink. Her debut edition had a bright red waist length wig, and a yellow wig with pigtails.

Hip likes music, and has a medium complexion. She had a medium-length, side-parted green wig and a pink wig with pigtails, and she wore bell-bottoms/capris and a reversible T-Shirt.

Cool is the sporty girl. She has the darkest skin of the Dolls in the line. She had a long straight orange wig with bangs and a purple wig tied in low pigtails. "Cool" wore an ensemble of a T-shirt and cargos that shortened to hot pants. 

I try not to be too pessimistic on this blog, and I also try not to be too opinionated. I try to look at these toys as objectively as possible, and just deliver facts while including some humor and light personal opinions to boot. 

But this is one of those rare times where I have to openly acknowledge how kinda messed up this line was. A woman is only as interesting as her appearance dictates, and then they boiled down the girls further by giving them not personalities but outright templates. I can't believe I have to say this, but Hip isn't a name, Mattel, and if anyone ever names their child Glam, they should immediately lose their child to child protective services.

All in all, the doll industry in general often gets a lot of complaints, and more often than not, I think those complaints are ridiculous and over the top. Barbie, if anything could be an example, is doing their best effort to have dolls with different body types, skin color and more. I think there was a point in time where those complaints had more weight, but I also think those days are, for the most part, far behind us. But there are still some slip ups, and considering when this line was produced, those slip ups are apparent.

Still, I stand by my belief that the concept overall is neat, it just needs to be implemented in a better, less terrifying manner. Perhaps one day Mattel will revive the line and the girls, along with their pets, will finally have a chance to shine in a manner that doesn't give us the willies.

I have to admit though, I find it hilarious a sentient potato with a reconstructive face is somehow more visually appealing than this line of dolls.