Gre-Gory Bat

If there's a way to make the name "Gregory" cool, then Mattel finally found it.

Gre-gory Bat was released in 1979, and...actually that's virtually all that is known about this completely forgotten yet amazing relic. Try as I might to scrounge up other info on the subject, all I managed to come across was a handful of other blog posts by like minded creepy enthusiasts who had either only heard of Greg or had happened to somehow get their hands on one for a rather exorbitant price. But even these people had no information that I could use. No names for designers, no names for artists of the box work, nothing. Gre-gory basically exists with no recollection of how he came into this world, which, if we're being honest, is actually quite suitable to the kind of toy he is. Only makes him all that much creepier.

Essentially, Greg is your typical toy bat, but unlike the dime store rubber bats you'd pick up, this guy had a few very fancy features, and was a lot larger to boot. His wings supposedly flapped, but what bat toy didn't have that, and his teeth could apparently actually sink into flesh. Not enough to break the skin, but enough to give you that tingly vampire sensation you're longing for. But Greg's big selling point came in the fact that he had an open chest cavity, with which you could see his heart pumping blood. This might just be the most gruesome toy I've ever seen, and boy howdy do I love him for it.

Just scope out this print ad I found and read about all his possible features! Okay, so for the sake of not frightening the parents, they call blood "red liquid", but we all know it's blood. It's red. It's inside of him. That's blood, my guy. You're watching blood. I also have to point out his little feet at the bottom, which seem to be curled shut presumably so one could hang him upside down. I can't find any confirming information on whether or not this is why they're designed that way, but that's my guess and it makes perfect sense honestly. Bats hang upside down.

And for once, the print ad and the toy line up perfectly in the "what is advertised is what you get" terms. He's 8 inches tall, he has blood inside of him and he's a bat. All of that is true. When I was a little girl, I had numerous rubber bats hanging from my ceiling around my room, because I was a fucking weirdo. But boy, discovering Greg as an adult, I would've gone - forgive the pun - batshit crazy over this freaky little dude.

Also this print ad is, in and of itself, a work of art, just like the box for the toy is. Actually, the packaging for Gre-gory might be one of the few examples where it could rival that of a board game in terms of deserving to be hung on the wall by itself and presented as a work of art, because jeez is it fantastic.

Just look at this thing!

The colors, the shadowing, how his face is somewhat cocked back so he looks more menacing as he lunges towards you, fans bared, ready to chomp into your jugular for a nice tasty meal. The font on his name, the blood surrounding the outline of the box, and the fact that his insides look almost damn near neon. This thing is absolutely incredible and I would have a hard time deciding whether to hang Greg or Greg's box, quite frankly.

The back of the box is pretty standard stuff, just some information on what makes Greg the lovable bat he is and the various ways he can be played with. Nothing too spectacular but when you're paired with artwork of that caliber on the front, hey, you can take it easy. The heavy lifting is already done.

The box actually even backs me up on my assumption that he can be strung to hang upside down, so that's vindicating. But my personal favorite thing on the back of the box has to be the statement: "Stomach tightly sealed to prevent leaks". That's just a horrifying sentence, with or without context.

So yeah, all in all Gre-gory Bat may be lacking in any historical information in regards to his creation, but I kind of like it that way. Makes him all the more mysterious, really. I'd love to get my hands on him, but they go for hundreds of dollars on the rare occasion you can actually scare one up. Sadly, as well, numerous people have stated that the blood inside has long since dried up, which makes sense but does kind of eliminate the core concept of the toy, but still, he's a cute little bat and I'd love to have him, dried up blood and all.

So here's to Gre-gory Bat, an awesome little dude from the end of the 70s, released by a major toy company of all things, who has sadly, it seems, been relatively lost to time. Greg, not Mattel. Mattel's doing just fine. Greg almost feels like the bastard child of their catalogue. I know how the industry works, in the sense that unless something is a mega hit that they can market and milk decade after decade it just gets sort of forgotten. I get that. It just makes financial sense to no longer produce things that the majority of customers wouldn't want, and given the lack of information I could find on him, it feels like most people in the late 70s didn't want him either. 

But things are different now, people openly like weird and bizarre crap and some people have their homes decorated like Halloween year round. I think, if re-released today, Greg would make a killing, if you know what I mean. The time to strike is nigh, Mattel, your market is full of little weirdos clamoring for obscure retro spooky shit that they can use as decorative items, and seeing as he can be hung upside down, well that's pretty decorative if you ask me! I know I'd buy one.

So let's drink a glass of blood in a toast to Gre-gory Bat, the greatest bat toy of all time with the cutest name.

God speed you funky little freak.