Invisible Dog Leash

 I can remember when I got my invisible dog leash.

It was on one of the yearly family roadtrips we took to LA so we could go to Disneyland. Why Disneyland sold invisible dog leashes is a whole other discussion I have no information on but would be interested in finding out some day, but that's for another time. But I can easily recall the moment I saw it, and instantly knew I had to own it. They were hanging on a wall in a gift shop inside the park, and it was fairly expensive so it was the only souvenir I was allowed to get for that trip, but that was fine by me. Oddly enough, I grew up with two dogs, so it wasn't like I needed this because I was trying to fill the void left by a petless adolescence. If we're being honest...I can't really give a reasonable explanation for why my soul desperately clamored for such an unnecessary tchotchke. But, my parents bought it, and that's that.

Looking back now, it's an oddly...boring toy. I mean, you can really only do one thing with it, and really only by yourself because it isn't like a toy others can play with with you, but I do still - despite these realizations as an adult - adore it nonetheless if for nothing else than its absolutely inane purposelessness. It also wasn't a toy that was sold in a lot of places, I'd later discover. In fact, that shop at Disneyland, of all places, was the only time I ever saw one for sale. So not only was it a weird toy, it was also an obscure toy, which really only made it seem all the more mysterious and cool, honestly.

It's a novelty toy made in 1972, by a man named S. David Walker, and apparently the S stood for Sir, so you know he's a serious gentleman of immaculate taste. He was also apparently a mindreader and carnival pitchman in addition to inventing weird shit, which, if we're being honest here, sounds about right. I could only see something like this coming from a carnie. And that isn't an insult, for the record, those are some of the most creative people out there, so that's a high class compliment. But this wasn't, surprisingly, what made him wealthy. Apparently, Walker made his fortune on a different toy, the Clacker, which consisted of two plastic spheres suspended on a string which, when swung up and down, bang against one another and thusly make the sound the toy is aptly named after.

But enough about the Clacker. They honestly deserve their own write up, and they'll get one, trust me.

The only real piece of evidence of the man, the myth, the legend and his invention is an article from a May 1st, 1983 profile written of him in the Salina Journal, which reads thusly:

"The invisible dog came along when a fellow novelty dealer stuck with 5000 broken child sized rodeo whips"

What I'm sorry 5000 broken WHAT NOWS.

"asked Walker if he could think of any use for them."

You mean besides brazenly whipping children at a rodeo?

"Walker then attached a tiny dog harness to one of the whips stiff handles"

Because, as we all do, he just happened to be carrying a tiny dog harness on his person. It was the fashion at the time.

"and while 2 million wound up being sold, only 300,000 of those units were sold by Walker himself."

That last bit makes me kind of sad, honestly, because this genius didn't even get the majority of the proceeds from his brilliance. That's sick, but I suppose that's business as usual in America. Unlike the Pet Rock, this guy barely profited off his amazingly useless yet simultaneously incredible creation, and that's really upsetting, as someone who spends her life creating things herself. Albeit nothing nearly as cool as either one of those, but still. Things nonetheless. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information on either the toy or the man, so instead here are two rad photos of people using invisible dog leashes from the 70s.

So yeah, the invisible dog leash. A personal favorite with an extremely mysterious origin. Honestly, I prefer the idea that toys just popped into existence randomly one day from some weirdo than something was heavily manufactured in a warehouse somewhere for mass consumer consumption. Makes 'em a lot more interesting, if I do say so myself.

Sadly, I lost my invisible dog leash eons ago, and haven't gotten a new one, but perhaps this post will finally spur that interest in me. Put a fire under my butt and get me to once again walk a dog that isn't there. I prefer to spend my time with imaginary friends anyway, even imaginary mans best friend, because they don't ever abandon me or hurt me.

But I will say that I am not looking forward to picking up imaginary shit.