Chatterphone

Just look at this terrifying little bastard and then ask me why we thought it was alright to market this thing to children. Look at this thing, like, actually look at it. If you woke up in the middle of the night, awakened from a restful slumber by a old cranky sounding ring, and as your eyes adjusted to the darkness to see this thing at the end of the bed moving ever slowly towards you, you'd likely shit your pants and die, in that order. That smile, those way too rosy cheeks, those wide soulless eyes staring dead ahead. Yeah. There's nothing about this that says it's not a horror monster.

Despite its horrifying depiction, Chatterphone is one of the most popular and iconic toys of all time, coming from one of the most beloved toy companies of all time, Fisher Price. Created in 1962, it was designed by a man named Ernest Thornell who watched his daughter Tina drag around a metal phone while playing. Why he didn't put a stop to his child using their primary means of long distance communication as a toy we'll likely never know, but either way he had the great idea to simply add wheels and a bent axle that permitted the movement of eyes, only furthering its iconic nature as a horrifying abomination of nature.

But, the toy was a smash hit - likely because people in 1962 didn't have much variety or sense - and apparently was even credited for having helped save the company that produced it in the 90s following a misguided attempt to market toys towards older children in the late 80s. It's still, to this day, enjoying solid popularity.

Having not really owned one of these growing up, for good measure too because I was traumatized enough without its help, I don't have too many personal feelings to pull from in regards to how I see it, but I do have a fun fact here for you, and that's that in 1982, Fisher Price offered to donate it (among other toys) to NASA for Senator Jake Garn to play with while on the STS-51-D. While this was ultimately rejected by NASA because they didn't have sufficient time to test them for safety, I find this hilarious, particularly because Jake Garn was a Republican, so it was almost like Fisher Price was saying, "This toy is about his maturity level, let's give him these."

All political jabs aside, and my personal feelings of sheer unease towards the toy itself, Chatterphone is an icon, and I can't deny that. It's so iconic it wound up as a supporting character in Toy Story 3, and if that alone isn't proof that it's an icon then I don't know what is. It also had a purpose too, which was to teach kids how to properly use a rotary phone, and while that's obviously no longer a necessity, I like that they decided it should have a sort of education value to it. Not surprisingly, after all it was Fisher Price who are essentially the education toy company, but still. A nice touch nonetheless.

I'm sorry there isn't much to this post, but there's just not a whole lot of history - regarding the toy itself or my personal experiences with it - to really dive into, so I had to work with what I was given. Either way Chatterphone does remain and iconic toy, whether we want it to or not, likely because it'll threaten anyone who tries to say otherwise. He still is enjoyed widely by children today, even having a redesign on the shelf beside the classic as a more modern landline version, which I think is a neat update, and nice that they kept the original on the shelf as well instead of completely rebooting him entirely.

But if one starts to ring, and you pick up, and your dead grandmother is on the end of the line, perhaps it's time to buy some new toys.